A big life change, like the loss of a partner, leaves you with a puzzle. How to put the pieces of your life back together in a meaningful way…how to think your way through the snarl of feelings and grief, but then new people, new stuff, new activities. HOW do we do this, how do we identify what we need to do, even? I’ve watched friends do this (widowhood is a large sorority) but never thought to ask them how.
I tend to “fret” as Roger identified it. Not worry really, just…fret. In my new life I try to eliminate anything that makes me fret, thereby eliminating the difficulties attendant with the activity. Lately though I have a couple of issues that are causing me to fret. I began to notice that I was not attacking them with vigor, or attacking them at all, really. As luck would have it, yesterday I had two long conversations with two good friends which brought me to the end of fretting, more or less, but brought a huge realization to me…hence this blog post.
Conversations…long, in depth…maybe meandering conversations help us figure stuff out. When one lives alone there is nobody to talk to. Oh sure, you talk…chit chat, exchange pleasantries…but not the real and helpful conversations one needs to sort out life. This is where therapy comes in I guess, but it isn’t exactly therapy most of us need. A life spent with somebody who I really liked to talk to and listen to, was a gift, I know that…but now what? Identifying people who know you and your situation, of course your wanting to also hear about their situations, experiences, to get their advice. Well it seems a lot to think about, to manage. And let me know if you have figured this out. But in the meantime…keep talking.
On The Way 
What you speak to is so true, but for me it’s also the male view on a daily basis that I miss as well.
Hwere here Jo.
oh bon you got it right–without friendship and those deep conversations we are lonely little molecules. i am so lucky and happy for our friendship and love—xxxxxxxxooooxoxoxoxoxoxox
Me too Carolyn…there is nothing I couldn’t talk to you about. I’m still mulling over the “Before Stories”….
dear Bonnie, keep the conversations going! Thank you for posting this. Take care.
Thanks Poppy…all well here, more or less!
Is this the email? directly to you Bonnie. I love what you’ve been writing. Very moving and interesting questions about the passages of life. I have never experienced what you have had and have with Roger. But seeing the two of you together, I knew it was very special. The two of you were very fortunate. I’ve always been alone except for a few brief seconds. Now i find some laughter and it really isn’t funny but it is what i’ve known. Life has alway been complicated, though I wish it wasn’t so. Making art helped. Now i find myself able i find myself working mostly in the vegetable garden, Flowers have entered more. Pleasure of creating, handling the soil and feeling completely engulfed by nature. focusing on what’s just there, insects, etc etc. then handing someone a big bouquet of leafy goodies and watching them smile. small talk about growing them, cooking them etc. Keeping everything simple. fret a little about white flys, and enjoy the bees, assorted crawling and flying insects. To tell you the truth white flys are the worst. Well this is obviously a crazy conversation. because theres much more we have to deal with, that’s not much fun alone. Just know I think about you and wish the best. Love Jackie
Bonnie, what you wrote is SO on point! My husband passed away 7 1/2 years ago, so I relate to your comments. Having someone to talk to is so important. Whoever you feel understands you is your person. You may even have more than one person.
I was 65 and the first of my friends to become a widow. Wishing you the best!
Kendra
hi Bonnie, I am reaching out hoping you help me please. You have a plate on here that is identical to my wife’s matching set of 4. One of hers was broken by previous significant other and her set is very neat and dear to her so I am trying to find a matching one to complete her set again. I have pictures of hers as well as a screen shot of the one you have. I am hoping you can help me with where you bought yours to see if they may have one or if any guidance on where I can have one made. I look forward to hearing from you.